The quiz of the year

Have you been paying attention to the world’s biggest media stories in 2014? With rounds on notable deaths, which dictator said what, high-profile resignations and the best pictures of the year, this bumper quiz should prove a challenge for even the most media-savvy reader.

The resignation round

Can you match the resignation to the reason?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who sent “erotic” pictures of himself in his pyjamas?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brooks Newmark

Baroness Warsi

A Sunday Mirror sting led to Brooks Newmarks' resignation from the House of Commons. He sent explicit photos to a journalist posing as a "twenty-something Tory PR girl".

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who tweeted a picture of a white van in front of a flag-covered house?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brooks Newmark

Baroness Warsi

Emily Thornberry quit her role as shadow attorney general after tweeting a photo of a terraced house with a white van and England flags. It is believed she offered Ed Miliband her resignation during her second conversation about the tweet.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who said working with Theresa May is like “walking through mud”?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brookes Newmark

Baroness Warsi

Norman Baker resigned as a Home Office minister, saying working with Theresa May was "a constant battle".

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

While minister for immigration, who employed a cleaner with no work permit?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brooks Newmark

Baroness Warsi

Mark Harper resigned from his position as immigration minister after it emerged his cleaner didn't have permission to work in the UK. He said his role meant he should hold himself to a "higher standard than expected of others".

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who is standing for Ukip instead?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brooks Newmark

Baroness Warsi

Mark Reckless defected from the Tories in September and was sworn in as Ukip's second MP two months later.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who disagreed with “morally indefensible” UK stance on Gaza?

Mark Harper

Emily Thornberry

Norman Baker

Mark Reckless

Brooks Newmark

Baroness Warsi

Foreign Office minister Baroness Warsi resigned from the government because of its stance on Gaza. She tweeted that she was leaving with "deep regret".

The obituary round

2014 saw the deaths of many iconic figures. Can you match the statement to the person?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who refused to work in advertising, "because it’s supporting the fascists" …and later referred to his town-house in west London as "Nintendo Towers"?

Robin Williams

Rik Mayall

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Rik Mayall, the actor whose bulging-eyed rage enlivened a series of grotesque comic characters, died at the age of 56 in June. The comic was known for roles in The Young Ones, Blackadder and The New Statesman.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who admitted to loathing obituaries but loving funerals, saying "That’s how I meet new men"?

Joan Rivers

Lauren Bacall

Ann B. Davis

Joan Rivers, who named a dog charity in her will, died at the age of 81 in September. As someone whose husband had committed suicide and who was addicted to plastic surgery, Rivers' comedy had a shock value like no other.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who initially made a living selling cemetery plots?

Oscar de la Renta

Robin Williams

Richard Kiel

Richard Kiel, best known for his role as Jaws in the James Bond franchise, died at the age of 74 in September. "The Bond villain who made audiences smile," The Times wrote in his obituary.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who was ejected from the European Parliament in Strasbourg after telling Pope John Paul II: "I denounce you, Antichrist"?

Ariel Sharon

Ian Paisley

Richard Attenborough

A priest and a politician, Ian Paisley died at the age of 88 in September. He fought for Protestant supremacy in Northern Ireland for most of his life but campaigned for peace in old age.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who was sacked from a job in a clothes shop for reading The Ballad of Reading Gaol in the changing rooms?

Sue Townsend

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Lauren Bacall

Sue Townsend, famous for the international best-selling children's book series The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, died at the age of 68 in April. The Adrian Mole novels were among the best selling books of the Eighties.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who unleashed a pebble from the catapult she carried in her lace purse and hit the First Lady smartly on the rear?

Sue Townsend

Ann B. Davis

Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple, the angelic child star turned US diplomat, died at the age of 85 in February. For four years running during the 1930s she was the most popular film star in America.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

When the Daily Mail asked why he was reclining on a Brazilian beach, who retorted: "What do you want me to do? Sit under a tree and read Karl Marx every day?"

Bob Crow

Jeremy Thorpe

Tony Benn

Bob Crow, the RMT Union general secretary, died at the age of 52 in March. Crow was a quick thinker in interviews. When he was accused by Jeremy Paxman of being “a dinosaur,” he replied, “Yes, but they were around for a long time.”

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who was delighted to have received a death threat, saying:  "Hadn’t had one for years. I was so chuffed."

Ian Paisley

Tony Benn

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Tony Benn, who tried to change the law when he inherited his father's hereditary peerage so he could keep his Commons seat, died at the age of 88 in March. When he passed, Ed Miliband said the Labour Party had lost a “champion of the powerless, a great parliamentarian and a conviction politician”.

The dictator round

How well do you know your dastardly dictators?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

His government described the airing of a Channel 4 drama based in the country as a “despicable burlesque” that left Britain at risk of “disgrace and self-destruction”. We were ordered to “throw reactionary movies into a dumping ground”.

Vladimir Putin

Kim Jong-un

Raul Castro

Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea, assumed office in 2011. He was named the world's 46th most powerful person in a Forbes list last year.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

A dramatic montage of his recent exploits was acted out by Steven Seagal and a biker gang on national television.

Vladimir Putin

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Bashar al-Assad

Vladimir Putin amused the world at the G20 summit in Brisbane when he positioned warships off the Australian coast and, before leaving early, complained of 'tiredness'.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He declared that only unattractive tourists should wear bikinis.

Paul Kagame

Robert Mugabe

Prayuth Chan-ocha

Prayuth Chan-ocha took over Thailand as prime minister this year after a bloodless coup, suspending the nation's constitution.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He soaked himself in holy water to remove a curse.

Prayuth Chan-ocha

Yahya Jammeh

Mohamed Morsi

The 60-year-old Prayuth Chan-ocha leaves nothing to chance, using holy water and feng shui to ward off demons.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He received a medal from Russia that is traditionally given to civil servants for 20 years’ dutiful service.

Vladimir Putin

Alexander Lukashenko

Roman von Ungern-Sternberg

Alexander Lukashenko has been the President of Belarus for 20 years. He was accused of making anti-Semitic and anti-Israel comments in 2007.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

During a rambling speech he accidentally called for his own downfall before being ordered off stage by his wife.

Robert Mugabe

Paul Kagame

Mohamed Morsi

Robert Mugabe rules over Zimbabwe, which is considered one of the most corrupt nations in the world. Mugabe's critics accuse him of conducting a "reign of terror" and being an "extremely poor role model" for Africa.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He banned sociology and elaborate tombstones.

Mohamed Morsi

Daniel Ortega

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is head of Islamic State, which has control over parts of Syria and Iraq. The US State Department has a $10m reward for information leading to his capture or death.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He held democratic elections, in which people could vote “yes” or “no” to his presidency. 100 per cent voted yes, on 100 per cent turnout. No wonder his officials called it “the great jubilee in the nation's history”.

Kim Jong-il

Than Shwe

Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un won an election in which nobody else was allowed to stand. The state-run Korean Central News Agency told how parliament cheered when the result was announced.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

He appeared on t-shirts in various manly poses, in a clothing range promoted by Mickey Rourke.

Vladimir Putin

Alexander Lukashenko

Mikhail Gorbachev

T-shirts with Vladimir Putin's face on them proved to be a popular purchase in Russia. Mickey Rourke, who starred in The Wrestler, considers Putin to be a good friend.

Pictures of the year

Do you know which month each of these great photos was taken?

Please complete this question. You must drag and drop at least 12 answer(s).

Drag each month and drop it on to the photo that matches. You only get one go at each, so look and drag carefully!

drop
drag

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Scots miscellany

From the Queen to Gordon Brown, everyone waded into the Scotland debate. But what did they say?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

What was the precise wording of the Queen’s explosive intervention in the Scottish referendum?

“One can’t hunt grouse in Windsor, you know”

“I hope people will think very carefully about the future”

“Scotland should do what is best for Scotland”

“When my dad lost India, Philip teased him for weeks. I’m buggered if I’m going through that with Scotland”

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

According to Alex Salmond, the North Sea has reserves of £1.5 trillion. According to the Office for Budget Responsibility the correct figure is:

Half that

Twice that

A tenth that

Exactly that

If Scotland had seceded, then what?

The Scottish referendum was the biggest political event of 2014, but what would have changed if the "yes" vote had been successful?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK male life expectancy would have increased by how many weeks?

5

10

20

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK average annual rainfall would have decreased by how many centimetres?

5

20

40

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK, the number of years elapsed since the UK last had a Wimbledon singles champion would have increased from 1 to what?

17

27

37

Fill in the blanks

Test your memory with our [xxxx] in the [xxxxxx] round.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

David Cameron: “I think people can feel a bit like it’s a general election. That you make a decision and five years later you can make another decision. If you’re fed up with the [xxxxxxxxx] [xxxxxxx] give them a kick.”

Bastard Tories

Bleeping Tories

Effing Tories

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Voter in Balmoral: ''My opinion is I cannae trust Salmond. He’s got a head like a [xxxxxxx] and no reason penetrates it.''

Bagpipe

Kilt

Haggis

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Alex Salmond: "While I was compiling the oil and gas index, David Cameron was still fooling around the playing fields of [xxxxxxxxx]."

Brasenose College

Eton

Oxford

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

John Prescott: “Perhaps if England and Scotland together had one team we could at least [xxxxx] [xxxxx] [xxxxxxx].”

Win the Euros

Share a stadium

Beat the Germans

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Alasdair Darling: "Any eight-year-old can tell you the flag of a country, the capital of a country and its currency. Now, I presume the flag is the [xxxxxxx], I assume our capital will still be Edinburgh but you can't tell us what currency we'll have."

Cross

Saultoir

Saltire

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Kevin Bridges: “I think we should have an [xxxxxxx] vote first and let [xxxxxxxx] make the first move – if they want us to leave, then we’ll stay.”

Underaged, children

English, England

Upmarket, toffs

World Cup disasters

From the Suárez bite to Brazil’s catastrophic defeat at the hands of Germany, the World Cup was not short on drama. Do you remember what happened at football's biggest tournament?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Who said the England World Cup team “couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo”?

Sepp Blatter

Frank Lampard

Joanna Lumley

Stephen Hawking

When he came up with a formula for England success in Brazil, Stephen Hawking was less than kind about the team's penalty record.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

What did Luis Suarez describe as, "just things that happen out on the pitch?”

Biting his opponents, the third time he had been caught out

Receiving racist abuse from Brazil fans, who have long-running feud with Uruguay

Exposing himself, in an-ill-judged goal celebration

Colliding with the referee, causing him to be hospitalised

After he was accused of biting Italy's Giorgio Chellini, Luis Suarez was unrepentant, saying "these things happen".

Please complete this question. You must select 3 answer(s).

Brazil’s catastrophic 7-1 defeat to Germany broke at least seven major World Cup records. (Pick three)

Biggest winning margin in a final or semi final

Second worst loss by a host country

Fastest four goals

Most goals scored in a match held in Brazil for 25 years

Afterwards Germany became all-time highest scoring team

Germany became the first side to reach seven finals

The number of tweets sent about the game reached a million, a first for world football

Fastest opening goal

Records broken were the biggest winning margin in a final or semi final, the fastest four goals, and afterwards Germany became the highest scoring team in World Cup history.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

How did Sepp Blatter, president of Fifa, explain the millions of documents leaked to the Sunday Times, that allegedly showed systemic corruption and bribery in the Qatari World Cup bid?

The British press are racist

The Qataris are systemically corrupt

How else, he asked, is a nation with no football heritage and 45 degree summers meant to host the World Cup?

The documents are forgeries

Sepp Blatter claimed questions around the awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar were motivated by racism.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Michael Garcia, the US prosecutor, investigated the Qatar bid on behalf of Fifa. Who described the resulting summary report as containing "numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations"?

Simon Johnson, who led England’s 2018 bid

Meshal Abdullah, captain of Qatar’s national team

Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, Emir of Qatar

Michael Garcia

The man who spent two years investigating World Cup corruption claims for Fifa complained of errors in the report. Fifa dismissed his complaint in December.

The insurgents round

From Nigel Farage to foreign fighters, rebels were the talk of 2014. How much attention were you paying?

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

According to Farage, interviewed earlier this year, Ukip’s 2010 election manifesto was...

Borderline racist

A minor masterpiece

The culmination of many, many rounds in the Dog and Duck

Drivel and nonsense…The idiot that wrote it has now left us and joined the Conservatives

Speaking on LBC radio, Farage said the party's 2010 manifesto had been binned and they were working on developing new policies.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Two Birmingham jihadis made a rather embarrassing purchase before heading out to Syria. What was it?

Condoms and whisky

Salami

The 2010 Lonely Planet guide to Syria – whose cover image was of a Roman temple subsequently destroyed by Isis

Islam For Dummies

The wannabe jihadists Yusuf Sarwar and Mohammed Ahmed ordered 'Islam for Dummies' and 'The Koran for Dummies' from Amazon before they set out from Birmingham to fight in Syria.

Please complete this question. You must select 3 answer(s).

Why should Ukip have known that Natasha Bolter did not go to Oxford to study PPE? (Pick three)

She sends text messages with sentences like, “U r not coming back and accordingly my life will back to a meaningless void and it was chance that I met u.”

She ostentatiously breastfeeds

On her CV she spelt Wadham College, “Wadam”

She wanted to join Ukip

Please complete this question. You must select 2 answer(s).

Foreign Isis fighters have been very active on Twitter. Aside from the waging of brutal Jihad, which two of the following have been the notable Islamist memes of 2014? (Pick two)

Pictures of Syrian children holding kittens – collated by an account dubbed “The Islamic State of Cat”

Nutella cravings – with one musing, “Could an embargo on Nutella destroy the morale of #IS mercenaries? #ISIS”

Photoshopped images of Princess Beatrice’s hat on Free Syria Army fighters

Islamic “Rick-rolling” – with links purporting to be something else in fact leading to audio recordings of an extremely out of tune muezzin

Isis fighters shared pictures of Syrian children holding kittens and cravings for Nutella. Freaky stuff indeed.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Why, according to him, did Nigel Farage arrive in Port Talbot too late to make a promised drinks party?

He was driving a foreign car that broke down

The political correctness that stops people driving after two pints

European directives on speed limits

Too many immigrants on the M4

The remark led to a Twitter hashtag, #Farageblamesimmigration, where people blamed arbitrary problems on migrants coming to Britain.

The celebrity round

Match the celebrity to the quote or headline about them from gossip magazines.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

"The slow loris nipped her. They put it back in its box and took it away in disgrace."

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

“[The celebrity] coughs up $80,000 after wrecking neighbour’s house with eggs.”

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

"Even when she's sober, she'll wee in a lunchbox — and just chuck it out of the window.”

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

“Boyfriend David McIntosh Crashed a Van Full of Dead Badgers into a Bus Stop”

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

"[The celebrity] smashed the place up, got naked, and kept seeing this owl"

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

“[The celebrity] drank champagne out of a prosthetic leg and told filthy jokes while others danced naked.”

Lady Gaga

Katie Price

Kelly Brook

Shia LaBeouf

Prince Harry

Justin Bieber

The Rosetta round

This year, a team of European scientists landed a probe on a comet 4km in diameter and travelling at 135,000kmph. What do you know about the biggest science success story of 2014?

Please complete this question. You must select 4 answer(s).

What are the four other astronomical bodies that man has now landed probes on? (1 point for each)

Moon

Venus

Teegarden's Star

Titan

Mercury

Pluto

Mars

A Sky Sports satellite

Humans have landed probes on the Moon, Titan, Venus and Mars.

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

In all reports of the lander's progress, how were its dimensions described?

Comparable to a washing machine

Comparable to a tumble drier

Comparable to a phone box

Comparable to two thirds of Nelson's Column

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

How was the lander supposed to attach itself to the comet?

With suckers

With harpoons

Using gravity

With a mechanical claw

Please complete this question. You must select 1 answer(s).

Why did the lead scientist become embroiled in controversy?

He swore loudly on live TV when it landed

He wore a t shirt depicting women wearing latex

He had a tattoo drawn showing the lander crushing Nasa

He espoused a pre-Galilean view of the solar system

Please complete all of the questions.

Results

You scored {{score}} out of 100.

0-10

You put in a performance not dissimilar to the Russian rouble of late. There is still a chance to redeem yourself by buying The Times in 2015. That’s if you want to improve for next year’s Christmas quiz!

11-20

If your score were a Channel 4 drama, Kim Jong-un would deem it a “despicable burlesque”. If it were a Hollywood movie, well, best not to talk about that, eh.

21-30

Your score looks nearly as bad as Brooks Newmark’s paisley pyjamas. You won’t want to share this with anyone.

31-40

You’re as wrong as Alex Salmond was when he said the North Sea had reserves of £1.5 trillion.

41-50

Nearly as disappointing as the Scots’ referendum “Yes” vote. Nothing to write home about.

51-60

Good enough for “Wadam” College, Oxford. But not Wadham. Get out of my classroom.

61-70

A respectable score, much like Michael Garcia’s decision to step down as Fifa’s independent investigator after he called its corruption report “incomplete and erroneous”.

71-80

A very good score. As impressive as the Rosetta scientist Matt Taylor. Just be careful which t-shirt you wear on the inevitable television screening.

81-90

Commenting on your performance, the Queen said you must have thought “very carefully about the questions.” And then she purred, or at least that’s how David Cameron remembers it.

91-100

You must be as ancient as the Elgin marbles, as intelligent as the Rosetta scientist Matt Taylor, and as technically gifted as Novak Djokovic. You’re as respected as the Queen, as focused as Vladimir Putin, and as decisive as Emily Thornberry’s tweet. Would you like to work for The Times?

Answers

Who sent “erotic” pictures of himself in his pyjamas?

Brooks Newmark

Who tweeted a picture of a white van in front of a flag-covered house?

Emily Thornberry

Who said working with Theresa May is like “walking through mud”?

Norman Baker

While minister for immigration, who employed a cleaner with no work permit?

Mark Harper

Who is standing for Ukip instead?

Mark Reckless

Who disagreed with “morally indefensible” UK stance on Gaza?

Baroness Warsi

Who refused to work in advertising, "because it’s supporting the fascists" …and later referred to his town-house in west London as "Nintendo Towers"?

Rik Mayall

Who admitted to loathing obituaries but loving funerals, saying "That’s how I meet new men"?

Joan Rivers

Who initially made a living selling cemetery plots?

Richard Kiel

Who was ejected from the European Parliament in Strasbourg after telling Pope John Paul II: "I denounce you, Antichrist"?

Ian Paisley

Who was sacked from a job in a clothes shop for reading The Ballad of Reading Gaol in the changing rooms?

Sue Townsend

Who unleashed a pebble from the catapult she carried in her lace purse and hit the First Lady smartly on the rear?

Shirley Temple

When the Daily Mail asked why he was reclining on a Brazilian beach, who retorted: "What do you want me to do? Sit under a tree and read Karl Marx every day?"

Bob Crow

Who was delighted to have received a death threat, saying:  "Hadn’t had one for years. I was so chuffed."

Tony Benn

His government described the airing of a Channel 4 drama based in the country as a “despicable burlesque” that left Britain at risk of “disgrace and self-destruction”. We were ordered to “throw reactionary movies into a dumping ground”.

Kim Jong-un

A dramatic montage of his recent exploits was acted out by Steven Seagal and a biker gang on national television.

Vladimir Putin

He declared that only unattractive tourists should wear bikinis.

Prayuth Chan-ocha

He soaked himself in holy water to remove a curse.

Prayuth Chan-ocha

He received a medal from Russia that is traditionally given to civil servants for 20 years’ dutiful service.

Alexander Lukashenko

During a rambling speech he accidentally called for his own downfall before being ordered off stage by his wife.

Robert Mugabe

He banned sociology and elaborate tombstones.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

He held democratic elections, in which people could vote “yes” or “no” to his presidency. 100 per cent voted yes, on 100 per cent turnout. No wonder his officials called it “the great jubilee in the nation's history”.

Kim Jong-un

He appeared on t-shirts in various manly poses, in a clothing range promoted by Mickey Rourke.

Vladimir Putin

Drag each month and drop it on to the photo that matches. You only get one go at each, so look and drag carefully!

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

What was the precise wording of the Queen’s explosive intervention in the Scottish referendum?

“I hope people will think very carefully about the future”

According to Alex Salmond, the North Sea has reserves of £1.5 trillion. According to the Office for Budget Responsibility the correct figure is:

A tenth that

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK male life expectancy would have increased by how many weeks?

10

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK average annual rainfall would have decreased by how many centimetres?

20

If Scotland had seceded, in the rest of the UK, the number of years elapsed since the UK last had a Wimbledon singles champion would have increased from 1 to what?

37

David Cameron: “I think people can feel a bit like it’s a general election. That you make a decision and five years later you can make another decision. If you’re fed up with the [xxxxxxxxx] [xxxxxxx] give them a kick.”

Effing Tories

Voter in Balmoral: ''My opinion is I cannae trust Salmond. He’s got a head like a [xxxxxxx] and no reason penetrates it.''

Haggis

Alex Salmond: "While I was compiling the oil and gas index, David Cameron was still fooling around the playing fields of [xxxxxxxxx]."

Eton

John Prescott: “Perhaps if England and Scotland together had one team we could at least [xxxxx] [xxxxx] [xxxxxxx].”

Beat the Germans

Alasdair Darling: "Any eight-year-old can tell you the flag of a country, the capital of a country and its currency. Now, I presume the flag is the [xxxxxxx], I assume our capital will still be Edinburgh but you can't tell us what currency we'll have."

Saltire

Kevin Bridges: “I think we should have an [xxxxxxx] vote first and let [xxxxxxxx] make the first move – if they want us to leave, then we’ll stay.”

English, England

Who said the England World Cup team “couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo”?

Stephen Hawking

What did Luis Suarez describe as, "just things that happen out on the pitch?”

Biting his opponents, the third time he had been caught out

Brazil’s catastrophic 7-1 defeat to Germany broke at least seven major World Cup records. (Pick three)

Biggest winning margin in a final or semi final

Fastest four goals

Afterwards Germany became all-time highest scoring team

How did Sepp Blatter, president of Fifa, explain the millions of documents leaked to the Sunday Times, that allegedly showed systemic corruption and bribery in the Qatari World Cup bid?

The British press are racist

Michael Garcia, the US prosecutor, investigated the Qatar bid on behalf of Fifa. Who described the resulting summary report as containing "numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations"?

Michael Garcia

According to Farage, interviewed earlier this year, Ukip’s 2010 election manifesto was...

Drivel and nonsense…The idiot that wrote it has now left us and joined the Conservatives

Two Birmingham jihadis made a rather embarrassing purchase before heading out to Syria. What was it?

Islam For Dummies

Why should Ukip have known that Natasha Bolter did not go to Oxford to study PPE? (Pick three)

She sends text messages with sentences like, “U r not coming back and accordingly my life will back to a meaningless void and it was chance that I met u.”

On her CV she spelt Wadham College, “Wadam”

She wanted to join Ukip

Foreign Isis fighters have been very active on Twitter. Aside from the waging of brutal Jihad, which two of the following have been the notable Islamist memes of 2014? (Pick two)

Pictures of Syrian children holding kittens – collated by an account dubbed “The Islamic State of Cat”

Nutella cravings – with one musing, “Could an embargo on Nutella destroy the morale of #IS mercenaries? #ISIS”

Why, according to him, did Nigel Farage arrive in Port Talbot too late to make a promised drinks party?

Too many immigrants on the M4

"The slow loris nipped her. They put it back in its box and took it away in disgrace."

Lady Gaga

“[The celebrity] coughs up $80,000 after wrecking neighbour’s house with eggs.”

Justin Bieber

"Even when she's sober, she'll wee in a lunchbox — and just chuck it out of the window.”

Katie Price

“Boyfriend David McIntosh Crashed a Van Full of Dead Badgers into a Bus Stop”

Kelly Brook

"[The celebrity] smashed the place up, got naked, and kept seeing this owl"

Shia LaBeouf

“[The celebrity] drank champagne out of a prosthetic leg and told filthy jokes while others danced naked.”

Prince Harry

What are the four other astronomical bodies that man has now landed probes on? (1 point for each)

Moon

Venus

Titan

Mars

In all reports of the lander's progress, how were its dimensions described?

Comparable to a washing machine

How was the lander supposed to attach itself to the comet?

With harpoons

Why did the lead scientist become embroiled in controversy?

He wore a t shirt depicting women wearing latex